So missing my Dad ... it's been more than 3 years since he's left us and returned to our Father in heaven. We could not greet him any more during Father's day, but his memory lives on in our hearts. We remember his love and kindness to us. We reflect on his strength, his power, and at the same time we remember his gentle assurance and calm presence. These made us secure at all times. And as time went by, we hope we have somehow inherited these. We grew up secure in the knowledge that he loved us no matter what. We thank God always for having a father like Daddy...
Yesterday we went to visit a friend in the hospital who underwent a successful surgery last week.
As we drove through the grounds to find a parking space, we were quiet, deep in our thoughts. Because we were remembering one sad event almost 6 years ago, when we made the same journey, driving on the same road. However it was for a different purpose. We went there to pick up the body of my niece (Baby Zoe) from the morgue. Sad as I have shared here previously.
Going inside the hospital also reminded me of another sad event in another hospital. More than 3 years ago. It was another sad moment because it was the time my Dad was in the ICU. He passed away a few hours after we arrived. Still hurts to think about it. I shared about it here as well.
It's been said that time heals all wounds and all that. Maybe, but the degree of healing depends on many factors. However the emptiness remains. For some, the emptiness will never be filled, especially if it was left by a beloved one. Comfort though is at hand through the good memories of our beloved, the love among those left behind, and the assurance and hope of the Lord of the getting together again up in heaven.
One day to give honour to our moms is not enough! It should be everyday, showing our love and gratitude to her who has carried us for 9 months inside her womb. And her role does not stop there. But she cared for us and continues to do so in many ways even when we are already grown up and have our own lives to live. Let us think of our moms, give thanks to the Lord for such a wonderful woman in our lives. Also do not forget our Dads. Without both of them we could not be in this world!
Cheers!
Do not forget the mothers-in-law! For also doing the same thing to their sons and daughters so we can have spouses who are loving and caring as well.
August is a special month. My Dad’s birthday. On the 25th, he is supposed to turn 77. He passed away when he was nearly 75. It still tugs at our heartstrings to think that he is physically gone, and we no longer could hear his voice, no longer could we hug him, no longer could we go to him for advice, or to just share a story or two, or to discuss some issues for his opinion and sometimes, decision. Although we know he lives in each of our hearts. We can see him still in the influences he had with us in our lives. His memory lives on, and we remember him always, we think of him always.
Last week I came across a status message in Facebook which touched me so much … so appropriate at this time during his birthday month. Each time I read it the tears start to come … I am sure you will be touched too!
If roses grow in heaven, Lord, then pick a bunch for me.
Place them in my Daddy's arms and tell him they're from me.
Tell him that I love and miss him and when he turns to smile,
place a kiss upon his cheek and hold him for a while.
This is a booklet we prepared to commemorate Dad's 2nd death anniversary last 22nd April.
Why ‘At Dusk’?
As I was thinking about this booklet to commemorate our Dad’s 2nd death anniversary, I tried to remember some of the activities we used to do together as a family. One of the most unforgettable moments was gathering together at dusk, when we were all still living at home, i.e. before we all left for university. As part of the Filipino tradition and especially at home, at 6p.m. we should go to our elders and ‘make mano’ or ‘bisa’. It is translated as ‘kiss the hand’ in English but this is not a correct translation, as we do not really kiss their hands. Rather we let our forehead touch the hand of our elders as a sign of respect, especially the bowing down.
So at dusk my Dad would check the attendance of everyone at home. He was mighty strict especially because out of 7 children, 6 are girls. We would gather around our parents at the terrace where we could feel the cool wind and the sounds of night insects. It was during this time that we would talk about our day, and if there were some issues that came up such as misbehavior and misunderstanding, they would be discussed. It was also during this time when we sometimes got emotional, esp. when my Dad & Mom would start to tell us about their past hardships during the war, as well as the experiences of others. In all these we were able to learn lessons about life. One such thing is narrated in one of the pages here.
The other write-ups here are taken from my blog during the past year which mentioned about Dad.
We continue to miss him, even as our hearts continue to be full of hope of God’s promise to those who believe, that there’s a place where we will see him again!
May you all be encouraged to keep walking in the light, walking by faith and not by sight.
Got electronic reminders like the one below which we do not really need as we remember...always.
25th August, Dad’s birthday. He would have turned 76 today. Now he is at rest, eternally with the Lord. Every time I think of him, which is almost everyday, I remind myself that he is at rest, at peace, no longer troubled by this world, no longer in pain. That he is now enjoying the blessings of eternal life with the Almighty God.
To honour his memory, and to continue his passion for education and helping others, we have established the Judge A.K. Nietes, Sr. Memorial Scholarship to provide financial assistance to high school students from Anini-y and Tobias Fornier towns of Antique Province, Philippines. Dad spent almost 15 years as the municipal judge of these two towns during the 70s till the mid-80s. He valued education and considered it as the main legacy a parent can provide to his children, or a community can provide to the youth. He loved reading, writing, crossword puzzles, music and sports, and advocated trusting in the Lord, which he considered helpful in developing the whole being of a person to become a useful member of society. In choosing students from these two towns, and a school from one of them, we hope that we can share and spread God’s blessings to those from remote areas oftentimes not reached by the support enjoyed by schools in the capital and main towns.
Through the assistance of our friends, Bernie and Fe Salcedo, Diclum National High School in Tobias Fornier was identified as the first school to benefit from this endeavor. DNHS caters to students from both towns mentioned above. The first batch of five poor but deserving high school students have already been chosen, out of ten applicants. They were requested to submit an essay focusing on reasons for going to high school, factors influencing their decision, how they are using use or improving their talents and interests, and the impact of being a high school student to their community.
Each applicant is qualified but there is only budget for five this year. The main purpose of helping out in our own small way is to help reduce the drop-out rates of students in high school. It is fortunate that tuition fee in public high school education in the Philippines is free. However students are burdened with day to day expenses as they travel to school, purchase school supplies, as well as meet the requirements of their subjects i.e. school projects.
We hope that through this effort we can instill in the youth the importance of education, encourage the recipients to keep going to pursue their dreams, that poverty is no hindrance to getting a good education and excelling in what one is doing, and that despite the difficult situation in our place and in their homes, they are still special. May they learn to always thank God for His blessings, now and in the future, when they achieve their dreams for a better life for their families and their communities.
We also hope many will follow this example, as we ourselves are also following the examples of those who have done this before us, especially those who are now abroad as OFWs or immigrants, or even those who are still in the Philippines. Every one of them sees the need and lends a hand to help.
It's been six months since our Dad passed away. We continue to miss him and the pain of losing him is still deep in our hearts. Yet life goes on and we thank our loving God for His grace and love that bring comfort and healing to keep us going each day. Including as well the sympathy and love of some family and friends who understand us. We have the memories and memories. Even coming here to UK brings lots of memories, especially of the time in 2005-2006 when Key & I were here last. We would call home, send sms and write letters to Dad and Mom. I remember one time it snowed and it was very cold. It was still early morning here but already day time over there. Dad said to make sure we are warm and not become sick.
I brought with me his sweatshirt. It was his but he never used it as it was still new with the brand tag on it. It is quite big for me nevertheless I like using it. Keeps me warm and I always remembering his advice to keep warm. Some other stuff I have that I keep with me include a photo sticker he took with Mom when they visited Bangkok in 2001; and one of the birthday cards they sent to me. They would usually write their own message and seeing Dad's handwriting and reading his message bring comfort.
It helps to know the fact that in all the sadness and grief, Jesus, the Good Shepherd is here with me. It makes all the difference. There is light instead of darkness; there is hope. There is peace despite the chaos. So I thank the Lord that each day with Him reveals something new, His truth.
Since last year we have been discussing about how to celebrate our Dad’s 75th birthday, which is today, 25 August. We were planning of going home again to Antique and holding a party with family and friends. He wouldn’t have any of it though and he told us not to hold a party for him. And now there is really no need for a party as he left us to go back to our Creator last April, four months short of his 75th birthday. We continue to grieve of his passing away, of his leaving us, of the times we wished we could still talk to him, laugh with him, discuss things with him. We miss him, his voice, his laughter, his concern, his sense of humor, his love – everything that a father is to his children. There are regrets, what ifs, and should have beens. And yet in the midst of these, there are things to thank God for. We thank God for giving us Dad as our father, who was responsible, did his role as a father diligently, provided for our needs, gave us security, taught us many things, led the family with authority, and many more, that helped us to be what we are today. Many times in the past, especially when we were still young, my Mom would tell us that we would be lucky if we could meet a man like our Dad to be our husband.
We think of him everyday, and especially today on his birthday. I continue to listen to the song With Hope. Today I read in 2 Samuel 1:17-27 the lament of David for his best friend Jonathan, a devotional in today’s Our Daily Bread. It says that in grieving for a loved one, it is important to bring to mind the “cherished details and shared experiences of our lives together.” We give time to remember, in a deeper sense, thanking God for specific things, the events that happened, the little and big things, the impact of a person’s whole life. Indeed, today and everyday, we give time to stop a while, remember and think of Dad, honor his memory by doing what is good and beneficial, and give thanks to God. The precious memories of Dad’s life and the truth of God’s love and hope of salvation to those who believe will comfort us in our sadness and heal the pain of our loss.
I wrote in my FB thoughts that I am still affected by hospital, wake and funeral scenes. And that my sibs tell me the same thing. It's true. Because we always remember our Dad who passed away last April. I have not looked at the wake and funeral photos for quite some time now. I just look at the photos when he was still alive. and the pictures in my mind, the memories of times together through the years, the last few times I saw him, at home and even in the ICU.
Thus with Cory Aquino's death and all the media releases and photos until the funeral today, I also feel the sadness and loss. As a former President she had made a great impact not only in the Philippines but also the whole world, in terms of showing that there is another way to achieve democracy - she didn't do it on her own though; she was supported by the people. She made a difference in the way she lived and did her work/duties, thus gaining an untarnished reputation and a place in Philippine history and that of the democratic world. It is best for others to emulate the good examples she had shown...as a wife, mother, leader...as a woman of power, strength, substance.
Today also marks mygrandfather's 108 birthday. He passed away in 1984 but we always remember his birthday come August. It doesn't have to be a big celebration. Just thinking of him is enough to honor his memory. One of the 'almost' permanent memory for him is the naming of one road in our hometown as the Rep. Emigdio V. Nietes Avenue. It was a tribute to him during his centennial birthday.
In a few week's time, on the 25th, my Dad would have celebrated his 75th birthday. We were planning to go home and have a party to celebrate. But this time there will be no big party. Instead we can continue to remember him and honor him by living our lives the way that would make him happy and glad, and to give thanks to God for the time that he was with us.
This train of thought is similar to what God wants us to do as well, as His children. We are called to live our lives honoring Him. Jesus tells us that every time we break bread and drink from the cup of wine we do them in remembrance of Him. This gives me a clearer picture of what it exactly means to do things in remembrance of Him, in proclaiming His death until He comes.
Judge Arnulfo Uy Kimpang Nietes, Sr.
25 August 1934-22 April 2009
A month ago today I arrived in Manila from Bangkok and then flew on to IloiloCity where my Dad was confined at a hospital in IloiloCity. I dare not mention the hospital’s name lest it will give them free publicity. They don’t deserve any. Our domestic flight was delayed for one hour, further lengthening the waiting time to reach the hospital, and shortening the time I had to spend with my Dad. My older sister also traveled down from BaguioCity and we just met at the airport in Manila.
When we arrived in Iloilo we went first to the SM Travel Lounge to leave our luggage there, then we took a taxi to that hospital. My Dad had been at the ICU since the previous day, barely two days after his emergency surgery. My older sis’ mother-in-law (Mama H) who accompanied my parents to the hospital met us at the hospital entrance. My Mom was waiting at the tiny nook beside the ICU provided for relatives. It was narrower than a passageway and it was disheartening to see it. To be there on benches with the concern and worry about your loved one does not go well with the charity and love the hospital administration advocates to the outside world. When my Mom saw us I could see how relieved she felt yet also sad and worried. She hugged us so tightly and we could just cry. We could not speak. No words could express what we felt that time. I also did not understand yet the severity of the situation and my Dad’s condition. I guess I never would.
We silently went to the ICU and I could not explain how I felt then. He had tubes all over and yet he was awake, conscious, moving his right arm, and trying to speak. But the tubes prevented that. I was shocked to see my Dad in that situation. To us our Dad was indestructible, our hero, our protector. We thought he would always be there, lending support, teaching, mentoring. Providing comfort and shelter to us when we go home, and the stability of home when we are away. Giving insights to our confusions and answers to our questions. When we were at home, we always felt protected when he was there with us, and felt scared when he was away on a trip. Seeing him there in the ICU bed made me speechless. My mind just stopped. What should I do? What should I say?
We hugged and kissed him, and started talking to him. I held his arm, hand, and stroked his forehead. And spoke to him, prayed for him, quoted bible verses to him to assure him of God’s love and salvation, which he already knew as we always spoke and wrote to him about these. We (Mom, sister and I) also assured him that everyone would be coming home, and mentioned each one of our names (children). Sometimes my voice got stuck in my throat. I was at a loss for words. I was not prepared for this but I had to be strong. That was what he would have wanted us to do. To be strong. He would always remind me that in the face of difficult situations, to be strong and to keep going. I am sure he himself was trying to do that. I remember him telling us that time when he visited a relative much younger than him who was struggling for his life in the hospital. He told him to keep going, to fight for his life, to be strong. And that person did survive, up to this day. I willed for my Dad to do the same, despite his nearly 75 year old body.
Then the ICU doctor called us after a while informing us that my Dad’s attending physician wanted to see us when we arrived. So we said goodbye to our Dad telling him we would be back. How I wished I stayed on. If I only knew my Dad would pass away a few hours later I would have spent more time with him than chit-chatting with the doctor. Talking with the doctor gave us hope that my Dad would survive. But he did say that due to my Dad’s health condition and old age that his body might not be strong enough, yet they would do their best. Maybe I was clutching at straws and looking at the brighter side that I was not able to read between the lines of what the doctor was saying. He was probably saying that my Dad might not survive but they would still do what they could to the best of their ability (according to him) just in case he did.
It was early evening and since my Mom and Mama H did not have any lunchyet, we went to have an early dinner. It seemed during the days they were there they did not have regular meals. The hospital system prevented them from doing that with all the errands and running around which was supposed to be done by their medical staff. We also checked out various accommodation alternatives near the hospital. It took us quite some time and when my Mom checked the time, the visiting hours at ICU was nearly finished. So she and my sister rushed to go back while Mama H and I went on to check the digs. By the time we went back to the hospital, the atmosphere was so grim. We were told to stand by for medicines and blood transfusion. I had to call friends especially a doctor friend in another hospital to ask about the process for obtaining blood in case it was needed, as the blood bank did not have any more. The Red Cross as well would not give as we did not have any donor. How can we look for donors in emergencies like these? Was there still time? Why could they not give their reserve and we could replace it later? ICU staff then told us there is no need for it now.
My Dad had two cardiac arrests that night. After the second cardiac arrest he did not respond anymore to efforts to revive him.
When we went in to the ICU to stand by his side, it was so quiet. I wanted to cry but I did not want him to hear me cry as he might be worried and sad. So instead we prayed, talked to him and held on to him. To remind him that we love him and always will, and to thank him for being a super Dad for us. We wanted him to know that he had not failed us but that he had done all his best for us, and that he could think of good thoughts and feel good about being our Dad. And by hearing our prayers and the bible verses, he would think of the Lord our Creator, and he would call on the name of the Jesus Christ as His Savior and God. He has taught us to always trust in the Lord and I am sure he did that even during his last hours. As we were there talking, praying and comforting him, we did not even notice that his heart had already stopped. Until the ICU doctor informed us. Again I did not know exactly what to do. I looked up at the wall clock and it showed 7:45 pm. He passed on to the next life minutes before that.
Then reality struck. My Dad was gone! Just like that. Oh, it was so painful to think about it then, even now. And we know that the rest of our lives we would always be thinking of our Dad. He was so looking forward to our visits in April-June, as one by one we planned to go home. Not at the same time but with overlaps so there would be at least one of us with them. My sister and her kids were just with them during the holy week and left a week ago. Then another sister and her family were scheduled to arrive that week, then I was supposed to arrive more than a week later. A couple more sisters a week after that. And my parents knew our schedule. When I last talked to him a few days before that emergency he was so happy and looking forward to our visits. And then this happened.
We were also planning for a party for him in August 2009 for his 75th birthday, although he said not to have a party for him as it would just cost money. When I said goodbye to him during my last visit in January, he cried and told me that I would leave them again. I assured him that we would come back in August for his 75th birthday. I was trying to hold back my tears then to show him I was strong and brave. I am crying now thinking of that moment. How I wish I could have stayed longer. I did try to find job opportunities and consultancies that would make me stay there for longer periods but until this time there had been none. So I had to contend with sending text messages to my parents many times a day and calling them as often as I could.
One month has passed since my Dad was reunited with the Lord. One month that flew so fast it seemed things just happened yesterday. People say life goes on. Yes, that’s true. They say we have to move on. Yes, that’s also true. We also tell ourselves that. We also comfort ourselves with the fact that my Dad is now at rest, at peace with the Lord, without any pain from his sickness, free from the troubles of this world, and enjoying the wonderful presence of our God Almighty. And that as God has promised that we would be reunited with loved ones in the future, this gives us hope.
... So we can cry with hope. We can say goodbye with hope, 'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end ... And we can grieve with hope, 'Cause we believe with hope. There's a place by God's grace, There's a place where we'll see your face ... again. So we can cry with hope, we say goodbye with hope, we wait with hope, and we wake with hope. we hold on with hope, we let go with hope ... (With Hope, Steven Curtis Chapman)
“My soul finds rest in God alone; My salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I shall never be shaken.” – Psalm 61:1-2
i have not been blogging for nearly a month as my dad passed away last 22 april. i had to urgently leave for home. all my siblings also had to rush home. it was so sad and our grieving period has not really passed. we will forever miss our dad. he was a major part of our lives despite the fact that we were separated by distance. but he was just a phone call away and i last talked with him on the phone a few days before he passed away. so this is just a short note for all my blogger friends who have been wondering why there has been no post. thanks to those who have written to inquire. thanks also to those who knew about my dad's passing and have sent condolence messages, which have brought comfort to me. i thank the God of all comfort for the assurance of rest and peace for my dad.
this is the title of the first book i self-published. i made this for my mom and sis who celebrated their birthdays last 12 nov. my mom turned 75 while my sis turned 40. it was an exciting time as i was able to go home, together with my three other sisters who live in other provinces in the philippines. another sister lives next door to my parents. so there were five of us sisters at the same time at home and what a riot! our two other sibs, another sis and our bro were not able to come home. the pic on the right is the cover of the book. the featured bouquet is a special one.
for my dedication page, i wrote this:
For Mom and Dad,
for all the whispers of joy in the midst of life’s chaos,contributing to life’s refrain i wrote the following for the preface:
I was planning to call this book something else, with the word ‘stuff’ in it. However, Key said that ‘stuff’ sounds so boring. Then we said that we should get a line from one of the poems or essays in the book. Thus, life’s refrain. If life were a song, I hope that the poems and essays in this book can be its refrain. Just hum it and add la, la, la … The idea of putting these on paper came up as my siblings and I were planning to celebrate our Mom’s diamond birthday this year (2008). Seventy-five years … not just golden but diamond years. Precious, best, forever …
A sister (Marlyn) also shares the same birthday with her. I remember that time way back in November 1968 when we were all expecting Mom to give birth to Marlyn. She waited until the 12th to come out.
My prayer is that through my writings I can convey my love and appreciation for my Mom and my sis, and to all family members.
May your lives be guided by the Lord Almighty day by day and that each day will be filled with gladness and joy as you trust in Him.
.
